Debbie Downer

I feel like such a Debbie Downer today and I've been feeling that way on and off for a few weeks. I know that it's the hormones, but it really really sucks. I feel so unmotivated on a daily basis. I always manage to workout at least 4 or 5 days a week and shower daily, but beyond that, I never feel like doing much else. I never put on makeup or get dressed in anything other than yoga pants and a sweatshirt and I just all around feel like shit about myself. I know I could put on makeup everyday, but I just think it's pointless considering I'm not going anywhere, and the same thing goes for getting dressed. I have no desire to go shopping since nothing fits in the regular department and I'm not pregnant enough to wear maternity clothes yet.

I find myself stressing and worrying about how life will be after the baby gets here. It seems stupid because I really don't know how it will be, but I have my ideas. I know I'll have to give up some of the things I want to do, and I'm ok with that, but I'm just afraid that I'm going to be resentful of John. He'll get to go to work everyday, and everyday he'll get to do whatever he wants to do, spending maybe 2 hours a day with the baby...whereas I'll be lucky if I ever get 2 hours a day to myself without having the baby depend on my (i.e, going to the gym or doing anything without having to take the baby along). I'm sure some of you might be thinking, "If you're already having these thoughts about wanting to be away from your baby, then why did you even decide to have kids?" And it's not that I want to be away from my baby, but I know that in order to function and be the best parent I can be, I will need time away. I know being a parent means you have to make some sacrifices, but I just feel like for the past 5 years of my life, I'M the only one who makes sacrifices...and I just want things to feel fair.

I could write about this until I'm blue in the face, but it's only going to make me more upset...so I just end this post now.