Things to Say

I have a lot to say in this post. Maybe you could call it a rant, bitching, whatever you will...but it is my blog that I write for me and no one else. So if a rant is not something you want to read, feel free skip this.

This is likely to be random and in no particular order since it's just my outlet for the things that have pissed me off that I've just been stewing over. I know that bottling these feelings isn't good, therefore, I'm letting them out.

Things that anger me #1 : Judgement.
Nothing angers me more than people who judge me. Whether it be they don't like what I'm doing, how I've done/am doing things, how I live my life, how I don't censor myself, etc. It pisses me off. I will admit that I've thrown my two cents in on things that are probably none of my business and after this week, that stops. Everyone has the right to their own opinion, but when you voice them for no apparent reason, or to stir the pot, or to see if other people are feeling the same as you...it's just not right. Unless what's happening is affecting you personally, there's nothing to be said. It's hurtful whether or not that person knows you're judging them, and that's karma that I don't want back on me.

Who I am (not something that pisses me off). I like who I am. I haven't always traveled the "conventional" road and I'm ok with that. I live my life for no one but myself. I don't sit around and wonder, "I wonder how so and so wants me to do things," or, "Oh, I shouldn't do that because people will get mad." I don't believe in compromising who I am as a person to please other people. Take me as I am or not at all. I stand up for what I believe in and I will never apologize for that. I don't ask for help...it's rare if I do, and accepting help from people is something that is difficult for me. Ever since I moved to Vegas, I was pretty much on my own. My parents didn't give me money to furnish my apartment nor did they come out to do it for me. They've always taught me to take care of myself and never assume that someone else will. If my husband left me tomorrow...would I be sad? Yes. Would my life be over? No. I know how to take care of myself and that's exactly what I would do. I do whatever I can to help people. I hate cloudy, rainy days. I'll tell you how I feel, truthfully, if you ask. No sugar coating. A lot of people don't like that about me, and you know what? I don't care. There isn't much mystery surrounding me, and if there is, it's probably things that are no one's business anyways. Bottom line...I like me. I may not always feel that way, but overall, I do. I'm proud of the person I am and the person I've become over the years.

Thing that anger me #2 : People being mad about me not telling the sex of my child the day I found out.

Who cares?!?! I don't understand how it's any different than if I didn't find out. Yes, I know...but why does everyone else need to know? It shouldn't make anyone any more or less excited. It's a healthy baby. Isn't that reason enough to be happy and celebrate? There's a difference between people saying, "I wish she'd tell us," and, "It's stupid she's not telling," and the latter of the two pisses me off. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. Along with this is when people say they have a "right" and "deserve" to know what my child. NO ONE has any RIGHT to know anything about my child except for my husband and myself. I understand people want to know out of excitement or curiosity, but putting it like that I think is unnecessary.

All of these things have put me off completely about sharing my excitement about this baby with a lot of people. My mom always says, "You just don't sound like you're excited about this at all." And maybe to her it seems that way, but she doesn't live in my house and see the way John and I talk about it. I used to be excited to talk to people about it, but when the hounding of "why won't you tell us what it is" and the likes came with it, it made me shut down. And you know what? I'm over it. I don't care if people think I'm not excited. I don't owe anyone any explanations. We love this child more than words can express and we are both stupid excited about it and if no one ever knows that...I don't care. Why? Because I know it, and he knows it. That's all that matters.

Things that anger me #3 : Having to explain why we didn't register for clothes.

A few people have pointed out to me that we didn't register for a lot clothes for our kid. Then the question comes, "Is it because you don't want us to know what it is?" My answer to that is always no, that's not why. We didn't register for clothes for a number of reasons. 1. It's a pain in the ass. We live 12 hours away from where people are going to be shopping. Yes, it's the same store, but the reality of the stores in Cincinnati having exactly what we registered for (clothing wise) by the time people shop is slim to none. 2. I don't dress myself up during the week, why am I going to dress my kid up? I'm lucky if I go somewhere twice a week, so every other day, I'm in yoga pants and a shirt. Chances are I'm going to dress my kid the same way, pants and a top/onesie, or a sleeper. If we go somewhere, then I'll put something more appealing on him/her other than some "around the house" clothes. 3. I don't really NEED clothes as much as I NEED everything else we registered for. Between hand me downs and the way I shop, this child is never going to want for clothes.

But with all of the pissiness I've been harboring the last week, I'm letting it go and am being thankful for and focusing my energy on the people who do support me/have my back, what you will call it. I'm not going to focus on the things that make me angry because if I do...the people who say mean things or have negative thoughts win. I don't need that in my life. I want my child to grow up with positive thoughts. I want him/her to know how to not judge people and how to stick up for what they believe in. I want my child to be the best person they can be and know that they will always be loved and supported by John and I, no matter what. You get what you put into this world, and I am choosing good and positive things, because that is ultimately what I want for me, my husband, and our child.

So as big of a rant and piss off this post may have been, I feel so much better, and focusing on the positive (it's taken me a week to see it) has helped me get past it. Well, that and finally just letting it all out in written form. I write it, I think about it, I acknowledge it, and now...I feel better.

What's The Point

I often wonder what the point of showing up early for a doctor's appointment. I've never had any problems at my GP's office (although I'm rarely ever there)and I've never had any at my OBGYN's office either, until these past 2 times. The first one was our ultrasound and my appointment was at 3, we got there only about 5 minutes early, and they didn't call us back until 3:15. Ok, not too bad. Today, my appointment was at 9:15, I get there at 9. They don't call me back until 9:35, and my doctor doesn't come in to see me until almost 10! How in the hell can you be THAT behind so early in the morning, and when my appointment (and I'm asuming most other people's as well) only lasts for 5-7 minutes. WTF!!!

Despite all that, it was a good visit. My bp was excellent, weight is only 9lbs total which she said was right on target for a normal/healthy gain, baby's heartbeat was good, and I'm measuring right on target. Now, if we can just fast forward to July and get this baby here, I'll be happy.

Enough Already!!!

STOP SNOWING!!!!! We are supposed to get 5-10" tonight on top of the ice we ate currently getting. It rained all day, slowly turned to ice, and will eventually turn to snow. I'm officially sick of it!

Old Friend

I'm so happy I got spend some time tonight with a good friend of mine. My friend Marissa who moved to Virginia the first year we were here is in town for the weekend looking at wedding venues. She had some free time last night so we got together, had coffee and dessert at Starbucks, and caught up. I can't remember the last time I saw her (maybe it was last summer or before) so being able to hang out was great.

Earlier in the day I met up with another friend of mine and we hit up the Lake George outlets. I swore there was a Carter's outlet, but it was Oshkosh. It wasn't a big deal though because we hit them up, Gap, and the Gymboree store which much success. I didn't get a whole lot, but a good variety of things that I'm happy with, so I consider it a win!

Funk

I woke up in a funk today and it pretty much lasted the entire day. Spin class didn't help. The sunshine didn't help. Nothing. I hope it's gone tomorrow.

Prison

I've noticed the last few nights that I am eating like I just got out of prison. What does that mean? It means I scarf my food down, I swear, in 5 minutes or less. I caught myself doing it a few nights ago when I finished before John, but I thought that it was because I had less food than he did. So the past 2 nights when it was just me for dinner, I found myself being done in record time as well. Last night I figured it was because I had green beans and onion rings, two things that tend to go cold rather quickly (and I hate eating cold food). But I made fettuccine alfredo tonight and made sure it was melt your face off hot, and I still ended up scarfing it down. I don't know what the hell my deal is. I don't go back for seconds nor do I pile a ton on my plate, I just eat whatever is there in record time.

Speaking of the fettuccine alfredo, I made a healthy version that I got out of Rocco DiSpirito's "Now Eat This" cookbook. It was really good! It's been so long since I've had it in general since it's SO awful for you, so whether or not this tasted exactly the same, I couldn't tell you. My guess though is that it was a great close second. The only con to it is that I could taste some of the Greek yogurt taste in it since it uses that to make the sauce thick, and I'm NOT a fan of Greek yogurt taste, but it wasn't so bad that it would make me not eat. Plus, I thought it was super easy and pretty quick to make so I'll definitely be making it again!

And my Hungry Girl onion rings? Yummy!! Not as crunchy as fried onion rings or as thick of a coating and NOT GREASY which was a huge plus, but lots of flavor and SO much better for you. It definitely fulfilled that onion ring craving for me which is good. It was a bit time consuming, but I could probably cut down the time it takes next time.

Back to Being Alone

With today being Tuesday comes the end of John's 4 day weekend and me back to being alone for most of the day and nights. I guess he's not really gone any more hours than a usual day shift day, but it just feels like more since he leaves for work around 1:15 and doesn't get home until after midnight. I don't mind this shift though because it reminds me of when I used to live alone and didn't have to make dinner for anyone but myself and could just kind of do as I please. I miss that sometimes!

We spent our day out registering for baby stuff yesterday. How exhausting!! We hit 3 stores in 5 hours (with lunch) and I think we're done for the most part. We hit Babies R Us, Target, and a place called Buy Buy Baby. I only have 15 things on the Buy Buy Baby one though because the only one "convenient" (and I use that term loosely) to my family is in Mason. I just found a few things there that I didn't find elsewhere, so I figured what the hell. I won't say it was fun because I honestly didn't think it was fun at all. It really made glad we never had to do it for wedding gifts. I'm not good at asking for things for the most part, I'd rather just go get things myself, so scanning this, that, and the other was just overwhelming. I did prepare myself for the day though by having John stop at Dunkin' Donuts for a chocolate frosted donut and Vanilla Chai (don't tell my doctor...but I guess the scale will tell) for me for breakfast. He he!

Today I worked out, did some double checking of the registry, picked up around the house, chopped some ice in the driveway right below our steps (I may die if I didn't), and am now getting ready to make some dinner. Spicy Thai turkey burgers, Hungry Girl onion rings (praying they are good), and green beans. All while jamming to some 90s and now music on the music channel on our cable. These channels are like the blood that flows through my veins...essential to my life and necessary on sunny (and crappy) days. It boosts my mood and just makes me happy!! Baby likes it too because I can feel it jamming too :) YAY!!!

I'll report tomorrow on the Hungry Girl onion rings. Cross your fingers!!